~ 11.1.11 ~

Actually there's nothing special bout this date.. er..but not really coz belum pun separuh hari and the time rite now baru je 1.47am...Aku??... x buleh nak tdo...thanks to Allah coz esok cuti kat JB ne sbb Hari Hol AlMarhum Sultan Johor.. lately, aku rasa macam emosi xbape nak stabil..kenapa dan mengapa aku sendiri xde jawapannya...masih mencari-cari..ader sesiapa yg jumpa x?? huhuh

Arini pagi2,... aku dah selesaikan kerja yg patut di ofis, then aku follow Bos tecik aku, Fairus untuk sambung wat inspection kat Bukit Indah Court Apartment.. quite tired even though just 1 level je kitorg inspect.. Cuaca plak dari pagi mendung+gerimis yg x berenti2.. Cuaca arini sedikit sebanyak telah mempengaruhi mood aku arini.. ntahlah, jd sentimentel plak and everything jd quite slow..

Td petang lepas keje as usual aku straight ke Grand Blue Wave untuk attend 1st meeting of this year... I miss all of them.. aku rasa bila dengan diorang I feel bit happy.. even though all of them are senior to me.. :) Feel great bila dapat share banyak cerita ngan diorang..'Sharing is Caring'... :) That's why I feel motivated when I'm joining Toastmasters Club.. most of them are supportive... there's no gap between us.. and I like it very much..

Lepas abes meeting around 9 something..aku follow diorang gi Yam-Cha wif Nancy, Kak Zizah, Mr. Awee, Eng Suan, Mr. Ahmad and his wife at Enam puluhan near to Stulang.. I'm having an interesting chit chat with them.. but in my mind keep thinking on something that I do not know what it is... Then around 11.00pm,.. Eng Suan drop us at Blue Wave Hotel back and we going back home on our own..

When I start my car,... Suddenly....

I felt something.. tetiba je mood aku zbape nak ok.. sedangkan td aku dah hepi2 dengan all my friends.. I do not know what i feel.. but 1 thing that I realize,... for a long time.... I've never cry... Is it because I'm strong rite now?? I mean my emotional are strong now...?? Ermm.. Aku sendiri xtau...udah jadi macam x betul plak... is like 'Something Wrong Somewhere'... udah mengong plak rasanya..

Aku rasa tetiba macam i need somebody but i don't have anyone beside me ~ How it can be?? Then suddenly, all the memories keep running in my mind... I feel wanna cry,..but I do not know because of what... Then perkatan yang terkeluar daripada mulut aku that time is...

'Kenapa setiap orang yg aku harapkan ader disisi aku akan tinggalkan aku juga akhirnya..??' I feel lost and down... I feel like I need somebody to talk..to share with.. but I do not have anyone around me...How it can be?? what I've done wrong??... Then aku pun xtau nak buatpe..dalam masa yg sama dah lama plak aku tak jejalan mlm sesorang macam dulu tu.. So, td sebelum balik umah.. aku drive giler2 punya slow.. When I'm driving.... I felt so sad, so alone, so frustrated.. and I just wanna cry.. At last the tears came out...

Aku pun xtau nak cakap macamana... mungkin sebab banyak sangat aku simpan dan pendam,, at last sampai satu masa aku xmampu nak kawal maka tercicirla ia..huhu~ Adoyai..manyak aku nak citer tp pale udah senoneng ~ 2, 3 arini plak rasa asik macam nak pitam jer.. adakah ini2 penanda darah tinggi aku sudah melambung naiknya lebih kurang berat aku..wakaa~ Apepun, aku akan continue dengan sume... Feel so Dizzy.. I'm off to sleep..bite2 uols